Friday, May 20, 2011

Nothing to Lose

This week I very carefully set aside all of Thursday and Friday for Studio Time.  Finally, hours and hours just to play and create.  Yay!

I’ve had a lot on my plate lately, appointments and get togethers and painting walls, and hadn’t had long enough stretches in the studio.  Or so it felt.

So yesterday, I went upstairs, sat behind my drafting table, expectant and happy, and… nothing.  Nothing came to me, and nothing happened.

What?  Sheesh…!!

When I get like this, I usually tidy up, so I did.  And sure enough, there was chaos bothering me that I didn’t even know was bothering me:  papers piled up, piles that I didn’t know what they were.  You know, the usual.  J

But I felt good about getting the place orderly, and eventually left and went back into the house and got a lot done there, too.  It was a good productive day, just not the way I had envisioned it.

But now, surely, I was ready for Friday.

So, up to the studio I went again today, ready for hours of fun...  But still, nothing.  No muse showed up.  No juices started flowing.  Nothing.

It was as if the muse (or however you want to think about Inspiration) could not be “scheduled”.

Okay, I can take a hint, so I did other stuff until late in the afternoon, but I’ll admit I was a little disappointed.  Two full days in the studio and nothing to show for it!

Then, with not so much time left in the day at all, I found a scrap of a pastel that was trimmed off and leftover.  So, with nothing to lose, I played around with it -- toying with this and trying that, and had a really wonderful time and ended up with a finished piece.

I should’ve known.

It’s not like I haven’t read Free Play by Stephen Nachmanovitch, with the story of the flute player, playing his best at the end of his life because “he realized that he had nothing to gain and nothing to lose”.

It is then when you are free.

Gosh, that’s hard when I just want to create something someone else will like, or frankly, something that I would like.  Or when I feel like all my peers are on my shoulders, looking on.  Oy.

I naturally tend to care so much, because I want my little creation to be wonderful…  But I guess sometimes you sort of have to care and not care at the same time to be able to take risks.

It helps for me to do little experiments that do not matter unless they happen to work out.

It also helps me to paint a ton of things, and hope that, statistically, I will love one of them.

Because the muse, apparently, will not show up on schedule.  J

Well, that’s why you ride the wave when it does happen, and go with the flow when it’s a-flowing!

Besides… the world’s ending tomorrow, right? 
So it doesn’t matter anyway.  Hahaha

TGIF, everybody!!

Lucky Dog  ♥

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